Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
