I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
