I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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