This house was built for laser tag.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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