I can text with my tongue
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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