i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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