I feel like I'm in dance class right now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
