I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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