what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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