I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm always down for nudity.
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