Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize