I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize