i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
