dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
