I didn't shave. On purpose
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
