it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
