His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
