My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
