Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
