Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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