i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
