We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
