Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
