White coat. Heels.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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