Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
