i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
