Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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