"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
