I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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