He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize