If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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