I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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