i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
