he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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