my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
