I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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