we'll go far in life on tits alone.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
