Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
