Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
