i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
