hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
