so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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