They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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