Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
