the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
