my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to sanitize my soul.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
