thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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