i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
