he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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