12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
