Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
