Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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