Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
operation have a gay friend backfired
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
