OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
