eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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