I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
