Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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