how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
