hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
