TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
