So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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