My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
