just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
